Spring.

It has been raining for a month. All of our rivers have frothed beyond their banks. Today, there was sun. Beautiful, glorious sun. We're finally tasting Spring. These are only weeds from my soaked and saturated yard. This lovely Spring sunshine won't last the week. But for now, on this island of sunshine in an otherwise long and dreary (and very wet) winter, it is enough.

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Contentment.

I feel like I'm being bashed over the head with this concept lately. At the beginning of the year, I expressed my desire to live in the here and now – essentially, to be content. Last week, I came to some pretty harsh/beautiful conclusions regarding my compulsion to plan for the worst, the faithlessness that displayed, how hope is the remedy, and contentedness is the evidence. This week, my pastor has discussed contentment in church and both a friend of mine, and a total stranger whose blog/life I follow (because yes, I am a Creeper - capital “C”) have written about contentment. It makes me wonder if this is to be my lesson for this year.

Huzzah!

I HAVE CREATED YOGHURT. 

So far, I do not have botulism.

But let me tell you, if this sweet, creamy deliciousness is hiding death between its silky folds, then it can have me. I'll come willingly. Just let me have some more, please.

Fair warning

I've been on the Internet again. It almost has me convinced I might be capable of making yoghurt at home without dying from botulism. Now would be a fabulous time for someone with sense to talk some into me...

Repent

“I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil … I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you; that you have abandoned the love you had at first … repent.” Revelation 2:2-5

He sees my struggle. He sees my work for Him, the commands I work to follow, the obedience I work to carry out. He sees that I am a good girl. But He holds against me that maybe I am a good girl for the wrong reasons. When I first knew Him, I did these things out of love for Him, in awe and in passion to follow Him. Now, I do things out of duty; because I am supposed to; because it makes people think well of me; to fit into a community that is doing the same things – for whatever reasons.

“Repent,” He says.

“Remember from where you have fallen.”

“Turn back to me,” He pleads.

Remember the beginning and why you did what you did; turn back to those motives, for they are good.

New Orleans

Beignet dust. Mmmm...

This city is just fabulous. I wish we had more excuse to make such a long drive if they always ended with thrilling nightlife, raucous celebrations, and sweet, delicious, hot beignets from one of the most famous pastry shop that side of the Mason-Dixon. So worth it. Also, Hubs' pants look like a galaxy. Just sayin.

Hope, again

“What great love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God – and that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1

That last part holds such a tone of surprise for me. Like John just realized the truth of what he was just speaking.

We are called children of God – Oh! Oh, because that’s what we are! We are children of God; dependents under him; his family; protected and provided for by him; loved in that unconditional sort of way that only parents are of capable of! Oh!

Let me tell you, it is an honor to be the child of my mom and dad. They are exceptional people whom I look up to in wonder and respect, and being loved and cared for by them is a privilege. How much more of an honor then to be the child of God, daughter of the King, a legitimate princess of righteousness?

It is mind-boggling and humbling beyond all belief. I almost don’t want to look at this verse, this truth, out of shame that I don’t deserve such a magnificent honor. And I don’t deserve it, but I need to look at it to remember that grace is a part – a huge part – of that honor.

“…now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known, but we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.”

And again we have hope, described here as “not a mere wish, but unshakable confidence concerning the future.” We who are his children, though we don’t know – can’t know – what he has for us, have unshakable confidence in our futures – the hope of God. And this hope is directed to the hope of Romans 5, where it is defined as “not to be equated with unfounded optimism … it is the confident expectation and blessed assurance of our future destiny, based on God’s love, which is revealed to us by the Holy Spirit.”

Our hope is not unfounded. It is demonstrated by God’s love, revealed to us by the Holy Spirit, proven through Christ’s death for us.

Our hope does not equate to blind optimism. We are confident in our expectations because our futures have already been proven – they lie in the hands of one who has shown us nothing but goodness and mercy and discipline, as every good father does. We have nothing to fear. We are blessedly assured.

Calm

Okaaaay, I know. Quit it with the snow pictures. But I'm off work because of this stuff, and stranded at home because Hubs (who is not off work) has the car, and I've got nothing better to do than spam the Internet with snow photos like the rest of the people in this city. I regret nothing.

One Cold Thing

"Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes..."

This is a thing that is happening. I have entered the White Death. I find it invigorating.

Mobilizing

Mathilda the Cold and her posse of adorable brutes.

I am maybe amassing an army to combat the cold. 

I've recruited an ice princess to my cause.

Terror! Confusion! Fie!

The white stuff is back! 

And it brought reinforcements!! 

Who will save us!?

(Ohhh, the humanity!)

Hope in faith

On how Compulsive Planning = Fear and how Hope = Faith.

“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him ‘So shall your offspring be.’” Romans 4:18

Abraham actually had no logical reason to hope. He was old. His wife was old and already proven barren. And how does any one person father nations, anyway? Abraham had every right to be making contingency plans.

But (at least, at first) he chose to believe in hope. He chose the uncertain hopefulness of faith – to stand on what God promised him – rather than planning for “just in case” God didn't come through. What a slap in the face it is to God when we read his promises and instead of standing in faith and hope, we prepare for just in case he was lying.

“Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him…” Abraham believed in hope. He stood on the promise and the promise was proved.

If there is one thing that has never wavered in my life, it is the desire to be a mother. Over and over, throughout my life, this desire – this calling – has been affirmed in me. It is such a deep desire with such a long and unvarying life that I can only believe it is of God. I myself have never come up with an idea that’s stuck for so long.

So why then, now that fulfillment is coming closer to within reach, why do I doubt? Why do I read of and try to prepare myself for miscarriages, and infertility, and adoption as a last resort? Why now, when I stand so close to the promise – when I am as mature as I have ever been; when I am married and have built a strong relationship with my husband; when we are both stably employed; when we are currently living within reach of familial help – why now, when all these things are pushing me toward the great promise of my life do I choose to wonder if it is really for me? Why am I planning for the worst, with contingency after contingency, when I should be preparing to dance in the glory of a promise fulfilled?

It is because I am like Abraham.

As the time of his promise neared (though he didn't know it) Abraham began to let logic and “proof” take over his belief. He allowed the world to intrude on his heavenly privilege and took matters into his own hands. He chose his contingency plan over God’s plan; and we have an endless war to show for it. By all the saints in heaven and the love of God of earth, I do not want to make that mistake. I don’t want to be like Abraham – at least not the doubting, disobedient, unintentional perpetual-conflict-starting one. I want to be the hope-filled Abraham. I want to be the Abraham who hoped in belief and whose promise was proved true for his faith!

When I was younger, nearly of all of my female friends lamented the scattered and unpredictable nature of their monthlies. Meanwhile, you could set a calendar by me. In those young years, I always assumed I was so incredibly punctual for a reason. Surely it would make it easier to become pregnant when the time came. Surely it would mean I would know sooner than one might expect, and would therefore be better able to take care of myself properly, sooner. Back then I just knew that my (apparently shocking) regularity was a mode by which God was preparing me for this promise. Now… now I wish for that unpredictability my friends hated. I wish I could just find myself pregnant, because then it wouldn't have been my decision – and if it’s not my decision then it’s not my fault if it’s not the right time.

I ask you:
What kind of bullshit is that?

When I was younger I stood on hope; I lived in belief that God was preparing me for this promise of motherhood. Now that I've gotten older, (notice I leave out wiser) I suddenly think that the when/where/how of the promise is up to me?

The truth of the matter is that this is God’s promise. Is it a promise for me? Yes. I stand firmly on that belief in hope. But God is the arbiter. He decides the when/where/how of the fulfillment of his promise. If I were to stop my birth control and not get pregnant immediately when I expect to, all it means is that it’s not time for the promise. If I were to stay on my birth control and get pregnant anyway – well, shoot, God, if it’s time, it’s time! And if I step away from birth control and get pregnant right when I expect and hope to, then it will be a lucky thing that my timing and God’s timing just happened to line up. But it will not have had to do with me. I don’t get to choose when God fulfills his promises. He takes into account all the factors I can’t see – my readiness, my husband’s readiness, the state of the world, where he is leading us, and most importantly, when these young ones need to enter the world to be most productive to his will.

I don’t get to choose when God fulfills his promises. It is my job to stand on them, in hope and in faith.

Dear Children

“My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin.” 1 John 2:1

I don’t yet know why this strikes me so forcefully, but it does. It feels heavy, but it makes me feel light and like I want to cry. Maybe it’s gratefulness. Maybe it’s the “Dear children” because I am such the child, and this makes me feel specifically cared for.

Update:

“I am writing to you … because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name”“I am writing to you … because you know him”“I am writing to you … because you have overcome the evil one”“I write to you … because you know the Father”“I write to you … because you know him who is from the beginning.”“I write to you because you are strong and the word of God lives in you and you have overcome the evil one.”“I write to you because you know the truth.”“I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray.”

I am writing to you, dear children, dear child, to remind you who you are, and that you already know the truth. I write to you to give you strength and encouragement, and to let you know that I know that you know who you are and who God is, and the power that you have in him.

I remind you of the things that you know and the power and strength that you have because I am also writing to warn you of those that are trying and will try to lead you astray and make you forget. There will come a time in the last times when faith will fall away and I want you to remember who you are, and who God is, and to hold on to the strength and the power you have in him.

I am writing to you, dear children, dear child, to open your eyes and to help you see.

This is why it struck me. It is heavy, because it is essential to remember. But I feel so light remembering what is true and what is mine to take hold of. And it makes me want to cry that I am so loved and so filled with his power and his strength.  I felt the warning coming; but thank God – I am equipped.

Observations

The Church is many making up one. If we are not deeply connected, it takes only a little pressure, a little tug away to cause a break from the body. Imagine an arm. If it’s connected only by skin to the shoulder, it can tear away with little provocation. We need to be joined to the church by more than skin – more than the surface work of showing up. We must be connected by muscle and bone and sinew and joints – by working in ministries, being active in small groups, finding ways to serve within the church and in the community with the church. We have to connect deeper than the surface.

Awe

1 John 1:1-4, Paraphrased

The one who has existed from eternity. The one who will exist until eternity. That which was from the beginning. Do not gloss over, do not underestimate, do not miss the awe of his eternal-ness. He is the greatest of all things that has ever been, is the greatest of all things that will ever be. He is life. He holds life within himself to be given where he chooses. He is life’s master; he alone holds life’s power.

This power – this formidable and eternal and mind-bending being – he came to us. We saw him. We heard him speak. We touched him. He was – and is – fully real by every physical standard that proves you or I as real. We who saw, heard, and touched him stand as evidence of his realness.

We who have seen, heard, and touched him stand before you as real as he was – is – and we announce publicly what we have seen and head and touched. We tell you of his eternal-ness and his realness that we have witnessed first-hand because we want you to be on this level with us. We want you to experience, vicariously through us, the awe and the humility of his eternal divinity humbling himself down to realness for us, to save us.

We want you on this level with us because in our knowledge of him, we are in spiritual communion with him. We are with him – he is with us – hanging out, communing, fellow-shipping in our spirits, the same as when he was physically here with us. And it is so good, y’all. It is so good we can’t keep it to ourselves. It is so good we’ve got to spread it around, because the only way to enjoy something this good is with others.

He's The Man

"I love you more..."

My husband capriciously said this to me the other day. It brought me up short because I realized I didn't believe I could honestly deny it. I've had this thought before, that my husband has leveled-up ahead of me in the love department. And when I don't just brush past that uncomfortable thought, I'm forced to own up to old inadequacies and scars that I'd much rather forget.

Down the Rabbit Hole

My husband uttered some terrifying words today.
"You know," he says, all innocent and calm, "I think we're ready for a baby."
Uhm, what?

REVENGE

Watch out Stephanie Meyer and everyone responsible for the cancellation of Firefly...

Looking for the ultimate revenge? Ship glitter bombs to your mortal enemies!

One Hilarious Thing

I found this yesterday, and I still haven't stopped laughing.
You're welcome.

Who's Idea Was This?

There's white stuff on my car.

Are we under attack?!