Ridiculove

Before last week I had never been on a mission trip. Frankly, the concept has always scared me senseless. The idea of embarking on a trip with people I wouldn't know all that well, to an entirely unfamiliar place for the sole purpose of interacting with complete and total strangers - even if it is just to help - never really sat well with me. Honestly, the very thought made me shudder.
When the sign-up sheet for this trip was posted, I wrote my name in on impulse. I figured 'hey, it's something to do with the first week of quarter break, and maybe it won't be that bad." As the day of departure grew nearer, though, I became more and more apprehensive. I started to think about what I'd possible gotten myself into. I looked at the sign-up sheet and realized there were not many people attending whom I could claim much previous acquaintanceship with. I started thinking about how I had no idea where Orange, Texas was, how I wouldn't know anyone there, how I would be traveling - and living with, for a period of time - people I didn't know. Basically all the things that ever scared me off mission trips in the past. Despite all this, though, I never seemed to be able to cross my name off that list.
The day of departure arrived and I still wasn't sure. I climbed into a car with two guys I'm pretty sure I'd never spoken to before, and our caravan of 7 vehicles was off. I started feeling better about the whole situation after that point. By the time we'd left Louisiana (which I wasn't actually conscious for), I was ready for whatever was to come next.

A lot of things came next. There were many lessons learned over the course of the week. I'm going to take a moment and impart some of the valuable knowledge I became acquainted with because of this trip.

Things I Learned in Texas:

1) Wheelbarrows are much harder to steer than they initially appear - but still tons of fun.

2) Bathtubs are freaking heavy.

3) When attempting to pull a stubborn nail from a wall with a hammer, one should make sure all body parts are clear of the hammer's path. Especially the back of one's head.

4) If one does not heed the above sage advice, it is probably a good idea to tell someone what you've just done to yourself.

5) In a pinch, privacy walls can be fashioned from wheelbarrows, coolers, trashcans, and shrubbery.

6) Bill Sherman's feet don't sweat.

7) Taking up laminate flooring is possibly one of the most horrid jobs on the face of the earth.

8) Fiberglass is a horrible horrible substance. Very useful at times, but horrible nonetheless.

9) Months-old, stagnant saltwater will sizzle when poured on grass.

10) Wearing gloves, masks, and goggles does not mean you are "safe".

11) Zombies walk/stagger/crawl in a variety of ways dependent upon the extent of its injuries and the type of zombie it is.

12) Animal crackers can be wonderful companions; even after you've bitten their heads off.

13) Duct tape works wonders on broken boots.

14) When in doubt, make a three-point turn in the middle of the road.

15) Mr. Tumnus' mom makes awesome gumbo.

16) How to be a splashing raindrop.

17) 2+2 somehow = 5.

18) Fiberglass and hot water do not mix.

19) Kicking down and/or slamming a crowbar through a wall produces a very empowering feeling.

20) If you hear a click every time you take a step, there is probably a nail stuck somewhere in the vastness of your three-sizes-too-big work boot.

21) The Song of Gilgamesh.

22) The Song of Doris.

23) It's always a good idea to make sure there's no one on the other side of the drywall before you start kicking it down.

24) You can, indeed, bruise the palms of your hands.

25) If you put a glazed doughnut into the microwave and are too hungry to check and see how hot it is when it comes out, you should definitely pause for a moment and ponder what it might feel like to have molten glaze stuck to the roof of your mouth.

26) Silverfish are not fish.

27) Everyone should attempt a flip on a balance-beam-like thing at least once in their lifetime.

28) Pickles DO go bad.

29) Creepy hats are good for a number of things; but beware - they can make you sleepy.

30) Laughter is carbonated holiness.

31) Love is action speaks louder than words.

Of all the interesting things I learned on this trip, perhaps the greatest is this:
When God leans on your spirit to do something - when he tells you to move - it is, in most cases, for you own benefit and you should think real seriously about listening. I very nearly bowed out of this trip several times out of naught but my own misgivings, my own doubts and hesitations which stemmed from nothing more than a fear of the unknown. Had I backed out of this mission I would have regretted it with every fiber of my being and would never have understood why.

The community we became was amazing. The work we put in, the injuries we suffered, the time we spent caring for, helping, and sharing with each other and, most inspiring of all, complete strangers was such as I have never known existed, let alone been a part of.

The absolute presence of love in the atmosphere of which we all were a part was incredible, dumbfounding, ridiculous.

Ridiculous love.

Ridiculove.

People...

baffle me sometimes. I don't understand how some people do the things they do.

I lost my phone yesterday. It was my own fault, really. I left it inside my jacket pocket as opposed to my pants pocket during the bike ride home. It was an easily preventable mishap - which is why I was as upset as I was. I biked back and forth over the route I'd travelled to get home only to realize that it was really gone.
This is not the part I don't understand.
Someone found my phone. She answered when I had my roommate call. She answered my phone, said hello, and promptly hung up. My roommate and I decided to giver her the benefit of the doubt in thinking perhaps the phone's reception cut out. So, we continued to call and periodically stop calling in case she was trying to call us back.
Nothing.
I and my friend have come across a plethora of lost items over the years. I cannot think of one instance in which the thought 'Oh well, it's mine now' crossed any of our minds. This recent experience of mine actually brought a similar instance to my rememberance.
Two of my friends and I were inside a Barnes & Nobles in Baton Rouge when we found a Palm Treo (an expensive, palm pilot remake) underneath a chair cushion. We spent an entire hour inside the bookstore, plotting and scheming, trying to come up with ways we could return this phone.
"Should we turn it in to lost and found?"
"Should we call the last number and see if someone can come get it?"
"Should we leave it here and hope he comes back for it?"
These were the questions we immediately came up with. It seemed a natural reaction to the situation.
This is what I do not understand:
How can something so natural to me as the desire to return an item to its rightful owner differ so dramatically from person to person? Is common decency such a rare thing?
Of course, I don't really beleive it is. I just don't know what would drive a person to keep an item that is obviously lost and do nothing to return it.
The way I see it, though, I am blessed to not understand such circumstances. I am blessed to have no idea what desperation would lead a person to that. I am blessed to be able to replace my phone with only moderate inconvenience. And I am absolutely blessed with the greatest bunch of friends I could ask for.

My roommate texted my phone after we were sure someone had picked it up.
"She is crying and freaking out. Please return her phone. She really really needs it. Really. I will buy you candy if you return my friend's phone."
Another of my friends decided to take it upon herself to make the person regret their doings:
"You are going to hell for stealing a mentally challenged girl's phone she got from charity."
Of course, that's not true, but it made me laugh, and I can't imagine a person who would not be affected by a message like that.

Since my phone has been missing, I have been offered rides to anywhere I need to go by classmates who know I have no car and, recently, no way to call for a ride home.

I have friends who have given up great portions of their time to aid me both in replacing my phone and have allowed me the use of theirs so I could contact sources and still make deadline.

My co-workers and bosses have been more understanding and helpful than I ever would have expected.

As trying and inconvenient my life in general has been since not having a phone, it has brought me to the realization and made me better appreciate that the people I have in my life are present and they care. I am a truly blessed human being and I am eternal grateful for what I have been given.

To the person who took my phone: I hope it has somehow benifited you, and I pray that it will be the last thing you ever wrongfully take. I pray that one day you will realize that you've wronged me and vow never to do so to anyone again.
And while I am still just a little bitter and cannot honestly thank you, I do appreciate what I have much more and that is thanks, in great part, to you.

Weather or not...

It's cold out.
I am not a fan of cold. Typically, I cringe at the very thought.
Not today.
I find myself enjoying it in an interesting way.
I don't particularly like being outside but I like breathing outside.
It's like...inhaling a form of crisp longevity as opposed to the oppressive humidity with which we have been stifled of late.
It's like inhaling life, inhaling change.
And I am embracing it.

Preparation for Life in the Real World

That's what they say college is.
A time of practice, in a sense, so we don't go out into the world unprepared.
I don't believe it.
I do not believe that life in the real world entails quite this amount of insensitivity.

Perhaps, in reality, it does. But I personally need to believe that once I escape this practice stage of college, I will be free of deadlines that coincide with tests, that coincide with projects, that coincide with essays, that coincide with (take over, destroy, ruin the prospect of) life.
I need to believe that when I leave this place, I will leave behind me the days spent trying to accomplish more than can be done in a 24 hour span and the nights spent shedding useless tears and genuinely dreading waking up in the morning.
I have no illusions of "real life" being easy. I expect stress. I expect to be overwhelmed at times. I expect life to come at me full force with no hesitation and no regrets.
What I do not anticipate is having all of this attacking me from five different angles at once.
I do not expect to have to finish an art project whose date of completion has invariably been moved on the day of my math exam for which I am ill prepared while playing phone tag with contacts whose calls I only miss because I'm in class and whose input I must obtain before I can have any hope of making deadline.
I could be wrong.
All this and worse could very well await me outside of this institution. In which case, I honestly don't know what I'll do aside from taking part in some serious prayer.
For right now, though, for the sake of my own sanity and well-being and for the sake of those poor souls who have to put up with me on a daily basis, I am choosing to believe that this will not always be my life. That this "preparation for life in the real world" is not so much real world preparation as worst-case-scenario preparation.
I am choosing to believe that this, too, shall pass.

Nevertheless

O Child by Nevertheless, and my interpretation of it's lyrics.

"I want to come closer
But you are so distant
Lately your thoughts are so far
I want to show you all that you're missing
I'll meet you right where you are"

They stand Distanced Far apart

She reaches, half-heartedly, then resigns, unable, and
Looks away,ashamed She glances back up to find
That He has come to her He has covered the distance

“O love, I’ve always known you and
O love, you’ve always been mine
O love, I’m only asking you for your life”

"You say that you need me
I know what you're feeling
You cannot do this alone
I gave you my word and I gave you my life
So you'll never be on your own"

She takes His hand They walk together
She is contented in His presence
She is reassured
She is safe

“O love, I’ve always known you and
O love, you’ve always been mine
O love, I’m only asking you for your life”

"You're waiting for this life to be what you want
(Is this what you wanted)
Waiting for this life to be what you need
(Is this what you needed)
You're waiting for this life to be what you want
(Is this what you wanted)
Waiting for this life to be what you need
(Is this what you needed)
You're waiting for this life to be what you want
(Is this what you wanted)
Waiting for this life to be what you need
(Is this what you needed)
You're waiting for this life to be what you wanted
(Is this what you wanted)"

She hesitates as the ground falls away before her
He is standing on air, beckoning for her to trust
To follow Him
She cannot
She struggles within herself for answers
For resolve
Ever conscious of His call to her

“O love, I’ve always known you and
O love, you’ve always been mine
O love, I’m only asking you for your life

O love, I’ve always known you and
O love, you’ve always been mine
O child, I’m only asking you for your life”

Finally she reaches for Him, her mind made
She takes a deep breath
Closes her eyes
Clasps His hand
And takes her first step…

Patience

Sometimes it's hard to have that virtue. Especially when everything's going right. You get excited about life and can see only good tidings on the horizon and nothing can bring you down. You've had that feeling. I've had it too. It's a nice feeling. Problem is, it's when that feeling hits that your guard has to be at its highest.
It's easy to forget things when you're happy. Easy to leave something out, leave something undone, un-taken-care-of, in our haste to fully enjoy our bliss. Yet, it seems, to be in full enjoyment of our bliss, is to be in danger of losing it to our own carelessness.
Case and point:
Yesterday was a good day. I managed to not fail a math test. I was finally able to buy some textbooks. I was looking forward to a friend's birthday party. I had completed and turned in all my Tech Talk material four hours before deadline. Life was good.
Then came 5 p.m.
I was at work, daydreaming about being off work, when I got a call from one of my editors saying there was a problem with the school server and my paper had mysteriously been deleted. Not a big deal, really. I would just have to go back after work and re-save.
20 minutes later, while I was thinking about all the fun times I was in for after work, I realized that I'd accidentally been doing only half of the task I was assigned for the day. Which meant I would spend the rest of my time there fixing the mess I'd made instead of progressing as I should have been.
Two hours later I'd fixed the mess and called it a day at work. I made it back to the journalism office only to find that, in my haste to escape for the day, I had not saved a backup of my article anywhere. My only copy had been on the server. And the server had eaten it. And it was gone.
At the time, this was catastrophic to my mood for the day. In all honesty, it's not that big of a deal since I'm fairly certain I can recreate what was lost before the next deadline.
All of this, though, could easily have been avoided by simply paying attention to more than my own joy.
Of course, when happiness comes along we are (most of us) obliged to accept it, to try to keep it around as long as possible. In my experience, though, the best way to keep it around is to not become lost in it. Experience it, yes. Revel in it, yes. But life is more than happiness. And to forsake the rest of life, of reality for the sake of sustaining one's own happiness is to banish said joy for a time.
Worry not, though, for it almost always returns. And, in most cases, to a person wiser in its ways, and less willing to take it for granted.

A Drop in the Ocean? I Think Not

Alison Sudol creates A Fine Frenzy – so she has named her one woman act that has recently taken flight in the musical world with her debut album One Cell in the Sea. At 22, the Seattle born songstress has made a graceful entrance onto the music scene and she seems to be putting down roots.

Sudol’s eclectic mix of brooding melodies, strikingly un-noticeable beats, and mesmerizing lyrics are anything but “frenzied,” yet the near oxymoron suits the fiery red-head with the soothing voice; and her debut album is just as double-edged as her chosen pseudonym.

One Cell in the Sea reaches deep into the depths of heartache and hope with tracks like “Almost Lover,” “Ashes and Wine,” and “Near to You” – testimonies, all, of lost and uncertain love – de-typified by the straightforward and unbiased way in which she approaches the subject. The melancholy is broken periodically with whimsical, fairytale-esque tracks like “Ranger” and an upbeat lion-and-the-mouse type song called “The Minnow and the Trout” that reminds us “What we’re made of/was all the same once/we’re not that different after all; we were one cell in the sea in the beginning”.

A Fine Frenzy, with her sonorous vocals and sometimes quirky lyrics, is easily reminiscent of Regina Spektor and Sara Bareilles – two of the leading female artists in an Alternative genre that is becoming more and more popular throughout the U.S. Sudol, like Spektor and Bareilles, brings even more to the Alternative table with her experimentations with atonality and major key variations that stemmed, most likely, from her own curiosity as she taught herself to play piano.

Her diligence in her self-teaching is apparent. On the album, she is accompanied by an assortment of instruments: the low hum of an electric bass, the light twang of an acoustic guitar, the tenuous vibrations of a cymbal, the soft “swish” of a wire brush on a snare drum – all are present, but vastly understated. Most of the tracks on One Cell in the Sea are attuned primarily to the keys of Sudol’s piano.

The expressiveness of Sudol’s voice lends an ironic reality to some of her music. Near the end of her soft-spoken ballad “Whisper”, the word becomes a barely audible sigh, and in “Last of Days” her voice fades unceremoniously to an ethereal end.

Though her musical style is not entirely unique, her subtly dynamic lyrics, emotive voice, and surprisingly direct approach to over-used subject matter prove that A Fine Frenzy is, in fact, stand-alone material – and One Cell in the Sea is only one of many more albums to come.

Revelations

I had a long conversation the other day with a very good friend of mine. We were sitting outside my apartment, illuminated only by the soft glow of a florescent light flickering outside a building across the way, discussing the nature of people - the things we feel we need to do, and why we feel obligated to do them. This talk of ours got me thinking. I thought to myself "Goodness, it's cold out here! Why didn't I bring a jacket down with me?" And after I thought that, I actually started paying attention to the conversation.

Why do we do the things we do? I asked that question in relation to myself that chilly evening, and found, in the swirling wind that surrounded my friend and me, that I did not entirely like the answer.

In making myself a model by which to answer this question, I had to evaluate...well...myself - and the things that I do. It was a riveting process. (Please note, sarcasm)

I thought of the many things I do out of simple obligation. I thought of the obligation to my parents - they raised and support me - I thought of the obligation to my friends - they love me when they don't necessarily have to - I thought of the obligation to my professors - they provide me with knowledge I will (in some cases) use later in life - I thought of the obligation to my bosses - they offer experience (and pay me) - I thought of the obligation to the nameless "they" who tell me I need all these things to be happy - and then I thought to myself, "If that light over there doesn't stop blinking I am going to have a seizure!" Then I thought (I think an awful lot, don't I?) that if all these obligations are to make me happy, why is it that I am anything but?

Granted, most people don't expect to enjoy this point in life. The climb can't always be as gratifying as the view from the top. But it's not just that I don't enjoy what I'm doing anymore; I don't particularly like who I'm becoming. Short-tempered, angry, and annoyed by the slightest thing, I am sleep-deprived, I am hungry, and I am weary of this life.

All of this has made me wonder (ha ha! not think, but wonder!) if fulfilling all these obligations is really worth losing myself.

Answer

"Since before I was born. Since before my ancestors were born. Since before the dawning of the Earth, my spirit has longed for yours.
We were together once. Before. In a heaven that transcended all human thought. Not for the splendor or unyielding happiness offered, but for the company we kept in Christ and for the companionship we found in each other, were we truly joyful.
Our separation - from that Eden and from each other - was the lament of angels. But our time apart left nothing to be desired. Still we were cloaked and protected by that unabstaining light of secret knowledge. Only now, now that our souls have met once again do we realize the dark, shrouded haze in which we wondered - each lost without the other. But no more. For now and forever, we are, at long last, found. What other name can be given to the grace bestowed upon us? What other name than amazing?
We have known pure, untainted, celestial joy in our heavenly home. With our departure came the knowledge and understanding of temporal, love - ethereal existence. Alas! We are bound no longer to suffer. For we are no longer two wandering spirits, but one consummated whole. And never again are we to be parted. For I have found you, and you me. We will depart from one another now, only in death. And even in death, we shall be reunited in our blissful heaven - our longed-for home. And there we shall remain until the days of His reign are ended.
An eternity.
My pledge to you.
Eternity."

Man Law

Here I sit, in a digital photo processing lab, awaiting my turn at a printer for which my name was assigned some 3 hours ago, and I suddenly find myself pondering the laws of Man - and how very fallible they are. Nothing is absolute with us. Scientific theories are just as they claim - theoretical. Mathematical proofs are "proven" only for as long as it takes for someone else to come along and disprove them. The laws of English and grammar differ with time, with audience, and with publication.
The laws made and governed by Man alone are so very malleable; always changing, and forever subject to change. All it takes is one man, one "rebel with a cause" to derail the train of human thought and understanding. Was this not the case with Magellan's pursuit to disprove once and for all the notion that the earth was flat, or simply "dome-shaped"? And what of Pythagorean and his suggestion that "A squared + B squared = C squared"? Where would we be today had not William Harvey disproved the popular (but in most cases detrimental) practice of bloodletting?
Granted, these variations from the accepted law laid down by Man were beneficial to mankind; but not all pioneers of thought have such benevolent intentions. Suppose we were informed tomorrow, better yet, 10 years from now that "The air outside will make our cells divide at an alarming rate until our shells simply cannot hold all our insides in, and that's when we'd explode" and we should, therefore, remain indoors for the rest of our natural lives until the ending of the populace.
Go ahead, scoff at the notion. These may be just silly song lyrics to you now, but suppose you heard this, in all seriousness, on the nightly news, or from a respected official, or a noted doctor or scientist. We as a species are subject to believe even the most unbelievable if it comes from a creditable source. And we as a species abound with creditable sources.
It only takes one man. One man with status or title, and a bit of plausible evidence has all the power in the world.
This realization of mine has had a strengthening effect on my belief that this is not a man-made world. I believe that if Man had created - or even if we simply governed the universe, it would take no more than another man to toss the entire balance off-kilter and destroy us all. The law that I believe rules the world is infallible. That whole "Thou Shalt Not Steal" thing? I'd like to see you get around that one with no consequences. And that's how the whole system works. It is contingent upon consequences. If you do this, that happens. If you do that, this happens. It's frighteningly simple. The problem for some, I believe, is that the consequences are too ethereal, to insubstantial - sometimes too outrageous to even consider. On the one hand, if you do this, you may gain all the riches and good tidings the world has to offer. But when would this promise be fulfilled? In whose time? Alternatively, if you do that, you will be cursed beyond all reasoning. And when might this occur? Gradually? All at once? At all?
So many questions hinder the validity of this system. The crux, though, is belief. This entire working system hinges upon belief. And that is a truly frightening thing. Belief - faith - is a very personal thing. It is a choice. One either chooses to believe a thing as true, or not; and no one else can make that choice for another.

Well, avid readers, I do believe I've exhausted my soapbox for today. As a printer has just freed up and I have work to do, I leave you with more song lyrics for you to ponder.

Faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't know
That keeps me hanging on and on,
And on to you.

Descritpions from my Journalism class

Alright avid readers, here is what you've all been waiting for. That's right. I know you've been salivating in anticipation ever since I created my first blog post approximately seven minutes ago. I shall keep you in suspense no longer. Here is post #2: descriptions assigned to my journalism class.

Object:

The pockmarked eyes of this shunted specimen stare at me blankly. These eyes will open to reveal new life. A new vegetable will emerge from beneath the caked and cracking skin of this potato like an oasis sprouting from the sands of the sun-kissed Serengeti.

(Note: Yes, the Serengeti is mostly a plains area, but isn't the consonance sublime?)

Person:

Discomfort flees at the sight of her. Her T-shirt is faded. Worn out sneakers grace her delicate feet. Her gray sweatpants are just old enough to be perfectly broken in. With her sleep-tousled hair tossed ambiguously into a haphazard ponytail, one could almost imagine her standing in front of her dresser drawers and accepting the first articles of softly threaded clothing that launched themselves in her general direction. She sits, quiet but attentive, and takes notes with her head angled downwards and tipped just slightly to one side. She is an unstudied portrait of nonchalance; a caricature of comfort.

Scene:

Like so many ants swarming to a honey-covered candy cane, Centennial Plaza at lunch time teems with life. Students once withered by the weighty burdens of class assignments, research, and the ever present bulging backpack, attack life with renewed zeal at the strike of high noon. The savory aroma of freshly filled lunch orders wafts languidly out the cafeteria doors, hovers haltingly overhead, and infiltrates the nostrils of students just released from morning classes. The complementing scents instigate a mass exodus of bodies form outdoors to in, as hungry students search for the source of their salivations.

(admittedly, I got a little carried away with this one...however, I did manage to work "mass exodus" in there. That was really my only purpose...)

My Blogging Habbits...

...are deplorable. I am not a "journal" person. Don't get me wrong, I keep journals. Dozens of them, actually. The reason, however, for my having so many is that people seem to enjoy gifting them to me on every other gift-giving occasion. Each new journal I become possessor of, I do faithfully keep on a (somewhat) regular basis. But inevitably, I tire of writing about my daily life. You see, it's not all that exciting to be me. A notion I am quite aware of as I am, in fact, me. I find it slightly repetitious to write down instances and incidents that I am already privy to, having lived through them earlier in the day. However, for the sake of this blog, I will try ~very~ hard to put aside these thoughts, and update AMAP - as much as possible. I beg you, though, if you don't hear from me for a few days (weeks, months...) at a time, please do not worry. I promise I have continued living. I've simply forgotten to tell you about it.