Have a Holly, Jolly August!

That doesn't make it any better, does it?

Guys. I am ready for Christmas.
I know, I know, (I KNOW)!
It is far too early for this nonsense. I mean, I almost always wind up wishing away part of the year in anticipation, but we're usually talking mid-November-early-December.
It's August, y'all.
August.

I don't know what it is this year, really. To be honest, the last few Christmases have caught me completely off guard. I would be in full anticipation mode, but then CHRISTMAS DAY would arrive and I'd be all "WHAT? NOW?! I'M NOT READY PLEASE CAN I HAVE TWO MORE WEEKS I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND?!?"

I wonder if it has anything to do with how settled I feel. The hubs and I are still only renting, and living in the town we keep trying to escape, but for the first time in a long time, (ever?) we know we are where we are supposed to be.

Since before we got married, we've felt God telling us to Move. Even through all the fervent prayer in the world, we are still not sure precisely what that means. We were totally willing to take it as an excuse to escape the town we were living in, and when Hubs got a job in the next town over just before we got married, I was all "Cool! Deuces, hometown!"

After the misery of commuting every day, two break-ins, and being generally unsatisfied with the (lack of) community though, it became pretty obvious that we'd maybe misinterpreted. When an opportunity to flee the state fell through just as I crested a mountain of doubt (about leaving everything I know behind), worry (that I wouldn't know how to hack it in such a new place with no support system), and faithlessness (in forgetting that if God wills it, it will work), I'll admit it broke my faith a little.

I had never felt so un-moored, so un-cared for. I felt betrayed. Adrift. Purposeless.

Coming out of that place has been a process, to say the least. My sweet husband has had to put up with more than his share of unpredictable and unstoppable tears, and has showered me with more pep talks, scriptural encouragement, and love than I'm sure either of us ever thought he would need to. He has really shined through all of this, and I've found an even deeper love for him in his steadfastness.

But enough of the hard stuff; back to Christmas.

After all that upheaval we wound up back in my hometown, which felt like defeat. But through a truly ridiculous set of circumstances that can only be described as providential, we wound up in the house we're in now. We're near enough to my family that we can see them whenever we want, but far enough away to not have to see them every day (LOVE YOU GUYS!) We're near enough to all our friends to be in the middle of all the madness, but secluded enough to have a quiet escape, a sanctuary. Best of all though, it is essentially undeniable how much God's hand led (pushed? threw?) us to where we are.

I've always assumed I would never feel at home in a place until I bought a house - until I knew I could paint, or remodel, or buy a deep freezer; you know, all those things you can't do when you're living lease-to-lease in a rental. But the knowledge that we are exactly where God wants us (even if we haven't quite puzzled out the 'why?') gives me such a feeling of belonging, and peace, and purpose. I am drowning in thankfulness that, even though I don't know why or how long, even though my plans continue to fail, I know I am doing this one thing right.

I can't wait for Christmas this year because I'm excited to decorate my little home. I'm excited to have a Christmas tree and have maybe already picked out the spot for it. I'm excited because it will be so different from last year, when the spirit was heavily dampened by our fear of leaving the house empty to visit friends and family over the holiday, or call any attention to our place with lights and festivity because it seemed like begging to be robbed a third a time.

But more than any of it, I'm excited for Christmas this year because, as ever, it is a season of happy greetings, and laughter, and joy, and thankfulness. Once the Christmas season gets here, everyone will share in my thankfulness, each for his own reason, but we'll be thankful nonetheless. Once Christmas gets here, my joy and gratitude can expound unchecked, and practically the world will rejoice in the goodness of God with me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to create a Christmas Pinterest board that I will never be able to live up to.
"Fa-la-la-la-la!"