Do you need me?

Do you need me for anything?
Honestly.
Do you need me for anything at all? Because if you don't, I'll just go.
It hurts me to be around you. Not because you're mean or inattentive, or indifferent. Not because you're happy. But because being around you reminds me of everything I did wrong. Being around you reminds me of what a horrible person I was to you.

So if you don't need me for anything, I'll just remove myself from your presence, if you don't mind. Because you remind me that I am not good. I will probably always remember everything of which you inadvertently remind me, simply because you were the first to gain entrance into my heart. I will always carry with me the lessons I learned from wronging you - but I'd rather it be a passive remembrance as opposed to being accosted with it at our every meeting.

It's not that I don't want to learn from my mistakes, but being reminded of everything makes me feel like I'm worth nothing. Remembering my actions, in light of yours, makes me worry I will never be worthy of what you had to offer me - in any form. I would like to believe that I am worth the effort - even that I could significantly lessen the effort by working on the problems that shone through between us. But it's difficult to do when I can't seem to get past what it did to us.

I feel my life would be easier if I removed it from your realm of existence. I feel I would be more adequate in my attempts to move on, if you were not there to witness. But if you tell me you need me - for anything at all - I would consider staying. Not because I desperately seek your approval, not because I enjoy torturing myself, not because I feel like I owe you whatever you could ask of me. I would stay because if you needed me, if there were something I could do to make your life better, I want to be able - and willing - to do that for you. I don't want to hold a grudge. I don't want to hate you. I don't want to stop caring about you. If you have a need I can fulfill, I will do my best to comply because I still want to love you, to be your friend.

So I ask, once more.
Do you need me?